Issues - carryon sized or cargo?

We all have issues. None of us is perfect. I firmly believe that we can grow as a person until the day we die. Our learning and self improvement is an endless process.

People comment to me frequently that they do not see how I can deal with listening to people with problems every day, all day. I usually reply that it is the people walking around denying that there is anything wrong with them who make me nervous. For someone to truly think that there is nothing about themselve which they can improve is very disconcerting. Technically the person is either in major denial or a narcissist. We all can work on something that will better us as a person.

A challenge I face though is people who come in for counseling because they acknowledge that something is wrong but they really have no idea the depth of their pathology. Some of us work on our issues and reduce them. The goal should be that are issues are carry on sized. We are aware of them, we work to keep them in check and still try to reduce them as we grow and better ourselves as a human being. However, I often see people who have issues that are very deep and serious. There issues are cargo sized. However, they do not recognize this.

Working with such people is very hard. If you confront them too much, this can be upsetting to say the least and potentially very psychologically damaging. You also do not want to do something that results in them dropping out of counseling and potentially never returning to work with anyone because they had such a negative experience with you.

So you treat carefully. However, they may blame others when indeed it is their issues that are causing so much of their troubles. Of the greatest significant is to be compassionate. You never know what it is like to be someone else and you never will because you will not walk in their shoes. It is important to try and empathize to the best of your ability. It is also vital to remember that we may not be facing all of our issues. Some things are too hard to face because they hurt, scare us, intimidate us, threaten us etc. We are who we are. We all have issues. NO ONE IS PERFECT. Try not to judge and try to be kind. Life is hard for all of us.

Dr. Christine Frydenborg Dargon

It is offical. I will be coming to Boston this September to give my Play Therapy seminar. This will occur the third week of September. The week after I will be in Missouri. Please go to www.PESI.com for more information!

Thank you,

Dr. Christine Frydenborg Dargon