A dilemna as a therapist – when clients evoke negative feelings.

This is the most honest blog that I have written yet. The truth is most of the people I see are great. They are working to better themselves. Sometimes clients are frustrating but often this is due to the issues that have brought them in for counseling. Remembering that and maintaining empathy helps to work through that frustration. This enables us to remain compassionate and empathetic towards the client.
Then there are the rare times when you just may not like the client with whom you are working. I find that often this is due also to their issues. However, we are talking about a certain type of issue: Personality Disorders. The following is from http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/go/information/get-info/personality-disorders:

Personality Disorders

What is “Personality?”

Personality refers to a distinctive set of traits, behavior styles, and patterns that make up our character or individuality. How we perceive the world, our attitudes, thoughts, and feelings are all part of our personality. People with healthy personalities are able to cope with normal stresses and have no trouble forming relationships with family, friends, and co-workers.

What is a Personality Disorder?

Those who struggle with a personality disorder have great difficulty dealing with other people. They tend to be inflexible, rigid, and unable to respond to the changes and demands of life. Although they feel that their behavior patterns are “normal” or “right,” people with personality disorders tend to have a narrow view of the world and find it difficult to participate in social activities.

Recognizing a Personality Disorder

A personality disorder must fulfill several criteria. A deeply ingrained, inflexible pattern of relating, perceiving, and thinking serious enough to cause distress or impaired functioning is a personality disorder. Personality disorders are usually recognizable by adolescence or earlier, continue throughout adulthood, and become less obvious throughout middle age.

What Causes a Personality Disorder?

Some experts believe that events occurring in early childhood exert a powerful influence upon behavior later in life. Others indicate that people are genetically predisposed to personality disorders. In some cases, however, environmental facts may cause a person who is already genetically vulnerable to develop a personality disorder.

Types of Personality Disorders

There are many formally identified personality disorders, each with their own set of behaviors and symptoms. Many of these fall into three different categories or clusters:

• Cluster A: Odd or eccentric behavior
• Cluster B: Dramatic, emotional or erratic behavior
• Cluster C: Anxious fearful behavior

Since there are too many identified types of personality disorders to explain in this context, we will only review a few in each cluster.
http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/go/information/get-info/personality-disorders
People with these types of issues rarely recognize or are aware that this is truly the problem. They often come in for counseling because of relationship issues, trouble holding down a job or other things in their life that are causing them to feel anxious, depressed, stressed etc.
When I have found myself working with someone whom I do not like, it is not because of their personality disorder directly. I should rephrase that – the things that occur could be attributable. However, it is the little things and the inability to talk with them that drives me crazy. I will admit that I think this has happened two may be three times in the almsot 20 years that I have been practicing. What causes me to feel resentment and not like working with these people are the little things such as arguing with everything I say, not respecting the boundaries I set such as the time we need to end the session or taking something of mine without even asking.
It sounds petty but this is sometimes the reality of being a therapist. We do not always like the people with whom we work.
So how do we deal with this? Carefully. First, I engage in consultation with a colleague to make sure that my negative feelings are in check and do not impare my ability to work with this person. If they do than I need to refer this client to someone else. I also vent and make sure to express how I feel and why. I need to get my feelings out. Lastly, I talk about things constructively with the client. These issues are in part, why they are having the troubles that they are having in their life. I owe it to them to point these things out, such as the argumentativeness, in order to help them. I also need to make sure to look at my feeling: is something else being triggered.
For me, usually is it just that the personality of the person rubs me the wrong way. However, I need to make sure that this is correct. I also make sure to take care of myself and unwind at the end of such a day. I stick with my boundaries and not allow the client to cross them. I also make sure that we maintain respect for each other. My goal is still them same: to help this person. This dynamic adds another challenge. However, that does not mean that I should not work with them. On the contrary, if this is how they act with me and this is how they make me feel, I can begin to understand the dynamics of their other relationships including how they treat other people and how they make others feel. With this information, I have a gem to work with in hopes of helping this person. It is not easy, but that is what I do.

Dr. Christine Frydenborg Dargon