Limits to what we can and can not do

One thing I have learned as a therapist is that we are unlike any other medical and service professionals. When things go wrong for the people with whom we work, there is not 9-5 Monday through Friday. Calls come at any time. Requests of all sorts can come through. People are scared, desperate, you name it. If they trust us and we have a good relationship with our clients, they may seek from us things that we just can not do.

The other day I received a phone call that was not uncommon. A mom called saying that the situation with her daughter (a legal adult) had continue to deteriorate. She could not take it anymore and wanted my assistance getting her out of the house. I have received many of these types of phone calls. The hard part is that there is nothing we can do. Once the children are legal adults,there are severe limits to how we can help. Of course, as a therapist, we want to support and do what we can to resolve the issues. However, from my position, that involves keeping the family in tact, addressing the causes of the conflict and working to help the family function better.

However, there are times when people give up whether it be on a child, a spouse or someone else in their life. This is hard to acknowledge but it is reality. I am not one to judge. People go through hell and sometimes reach a point where they need the hell to end. In that state, clients often look to us to perform acts or help with the things that we simply cannot.

I feel that at these moments we must maintain our support. However, we must also be honest. We are not miracle workers. We also are not police, lawyers, foster parents etc. We are therapists and must act within the limits of that role. This is not easy but we need to tell our clients that. It is ok for them to seek help from us in a form that we can not give. They need to know that we want to but sometimes cannot do that which they are seeking. However, we are there for them, we listen and offer what help we can. That is what matters.

Dr. Christine Frydenborg Dargon