I recently had a couple call to schedule an appointment with me. When I asked them what there were concerned about, they told me that they had recently gotten engaged and wanted to come to see someone to assist with communication. They went on to say that they hope to address problems before they occur. They thought it would be great to work with someone in order to address things now, before the become or cause a problem.
When I met this couple, what amazed me is that they are really a great couple. They seem to genuinely love each other, have solid reasons for getting married and have already handled stressors very well. However, no relationship is perfect just as no person is perfect. So we work on the things that often cause problems in relationships such as communication and handling stress, being on the same page, being able to compromise and support for one another.
How many people really think of doing this? Life is hard. We are all challenged. We all face stress. None of us is perfect and we all have issues from our past. However, most people wait until things get critical or there is some threats in their life such as the loss of a partner/spouse. If you think about it, no one is perfect. So now put to imperfect people in a relationship. They come from different upbringings, and yet these two different paths have now merged. Why do people think this is easy?
Relationships are HARD!!! I think often people get divorced because they do not know how hard it is going to be and assume that the relationship is not a good one if it is so challenging. That is not the case. The point should be to do the work. Persevere. If you do, it is worth it. The harder something is, the more fulfilling and rewarding on the other side. If people stop waiting for Cinderella and Prince Charming and start to realize that in order for a relationship to work they are going to need to roll up sleeves, get down and dirty and work harder then you ever imagined.
Why go through such things alone? Often the benefit of a third party makes all the difference. I do not doubt that I have saved a few marriages so far in my career. Assistance is not a weakness. Being stubborn and suffering unnecessarily though does not make sense.
No matter what the issue, we can all work on bettering ourselves. It is good to be preventative in any way we can. Don't start to eat healthy because you want to lose weight but eat healthy because you will feel better, take better care of yourself and probably not gain weight. Working with a therapist/life coach is the same - why wait until things fall apart. Be proactive and preventative.
Dr. Christine Frydenborg Dargon
www.christinefrydenborgdargon.com
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