When is enough enough?

In our society we base so much on rewards and punishments. We put things in place to reward people if they work hard and do well. If we work hard, often if we are not rewarded, this is a let down. Rewards are often expected.

On the flip side, we try to deter negative behavior with consequences from fines to tickets to jail time. We do this with children from time outs to lost allowance and grounding.

We learn from a very early age the power of consequences. Often these can be intangible such as the hurt feelings, loss of trust or damage to a relationship. But when it comes to tanglible consequences, when is enough enough?

Poeple are human. We make mistakes. Of course we want people to learn from those mistakes and grow as a person. Now this is not a process that can be forced. However, many people willingly learn and grow. They want to improve and be better. But often the consequences and punishments that are put in place are more punitive and destructive than they are purposeful and productive. Should that not be the point of consequences but to serve a purpose and foster that growth and learning? When the consequences are demeaning, over kill or destructive, what is being accomplished?

I truly feel that this is a significant point whether we are talking about children, co-workers or any one in society who breaks a law. First, who am I to judge? I am not in your shoes and as easy as it might be to say "well I would never....", I really can not know until I am in that person's shoes.

Second, whatever the consequences, they need to be productive and help the growth process. If not then the damage can be endless from loss of self-worth and drive to suicide. We need to remember what we are trying to accomplish.

Third, we should never change the rules of the game. If someone is working to meet the punishment and consequences that have been put before them, it is not fair to raise the bar and change the hoops that have to be jumped threw mid-way. This creates such a defeating cycle.

Lastly, work with the person and not against. When time is served, let time be served. There is a point when enough is enough. There is a point when the person has done all that has been asked. Do not take advantage of your position and power. People are not dogs that should be made to do tricks. When people forget that we are human and stop having compassion all that is left is anger, resentment and much negativity. NOTHING IS ACCOMPLISHED.

For all people involved, keep your eyes on the goal. Keep your compassion. Try to remember to always be human. Karma is out there and heaven help you the day the shoe may be on the other foot....yours.

Dr. Christine Frydenborg Dargon